💛 How to Talk to Your Child About Their Sibling’s Autism Diagnosis
When one child receives an autism diagnosis, the entire family begins a new journey — not just the parents.
Siblings, no matter their age, notice changes. They might see new therapists coming into the home, extra attention given to their brother or sister, or routines that start to look different.
That’s why how you talk to siblings about autism matters.
It helps them understand what’s happening, builds empathy, and strengthens family connection.
🌿 Why It’s Important to Have the Conversation
Children are naturally observant and intuitive. Even without a formal conversation, they can sense when something feels “different.”
Without explanation, that difference can easily turn into confusion, resentment, or worry.
Talking openly — in a way that’s age-appropriate and reassuring — helps siblings understand that:
Their brother or sister isn’t “bad” or “weird” — they just experience the world differently.
Autism isn’t something to be afraid of or ashamed of.
Everyone in the family learns, grows, and helps each other in their own way.
🧩 Step 1: Start Simple and Honest
The language you use should match your child’s age and maturity.
You don’t need to go into diagnostic terms or therapies right away — just start with what’s relatable.
For young children (ages 3–7):
“Your brother’s brain works a little differently. He learns and talks in his own way. Sometimes he might need extra help, but he loves playing with you just like you love playing with him.”
For older children (ages 8–12):
“Autism means your sister’s brain understands the world differently. She might not always know how to say what she’s feeling, but she feels love, joy, and frustration just like you do. We’re all learning how to help her communicate and feel comfortable.”
For teens:
“Autism is part of who your sibling is — it’s not a bad thing or something that needs to be fixed. It just means they see and experience the world differently. Your patience and understanding make a big difference.”
The key is honesty — not sugarcoating, but not overloading either.
💬 Step 2: Focus on Strengths and Differences
Emphasize that everyone has things they’re good at and things they find hard.
This helps siblings understand that autism is just one part of who their brother or sister is — not their whole identity.
You might say:
“Your brother might need help with talking, but he’s really good at remembering songs.”
“Your sister doesn’t always like loud places, but she notices small details that others miss.”
This balance helps siblings see their brother or sister as whole — capable, unique, and special in their own ways.
🤝 Step 3: Give Them a Role
Siblings often want to help — they just don’t know how.
Give them simple, positive roles that make them feel included instead of responsible.
Examples:
“You can help by showing him how to take turns when you play.”
“If she gets upset, you can stay calm and tell us — you don’t have to fix it.”
“You can be her helper when she’s trying something new.”
This not only builds empathy, but also prevents resentment by keeping the focus on teamwork, not caretaking.
🧠 Step 4: Encourage Questions (and Be Ready for Repeat Conversations)
This isn’t a one-time talk. Siblings will continue to ask questions as they grow and observe more.
Be open to:
Revisiting the topic when routines change (e.g., starting school, new therapies).
Admitting when you don’t know the answer — then finding it together.
Allowing feelings: sadness, pride, confusion, even jealousy — all are valid.
You might say:
“It’s okay to have big feelings about this. We all do sometimes. You can always talk to me about how you feel.”
💛 Step 5: Celebrate the Relationship
Amid the explanations, don’t forget to highlight the love and connection that already exists.
Create moments that are just for them — reading together, playing outside, having a “sibling day.”
Let them see that autism doesn’t take away from your family’s joy — it simply shapes how your family learns and grows together.
🌿 From the Desk of Anita Tomic, M.S., BCBA
In my work with families, I’ve seen siblings become some of the most compassionate advocates and friends.
When children understand why their brother or sister acts a certain way, it transforms confusion into empathy — and empathy into lifelong connection.
The best thing you can do is talk early, talk often, and talk with love.
Because when siblings grow up understanding each other, they don’t just build stronger families — they build a more inclusive world.
— Anita Tomic, M.S., BCBA
CEO & Behavior Analyst
Play to Learn Behavior Therapy