💛 Should I Tell My Child They Have an Autism Diagnosis?
One of the most common questions I hear from parents is:
“Should I tell my child that they have autism?”
It’s a deeply personal question — and the answer isn’t a simple yes or no.
What matters most isn’t if you tell them, but how and when.
🌿 Why the Question Matters
Parents ask this question out of love. You want to protect your child — from confusion, from feeling “different,” from words that others might not yet understand.
But here’s the truth: your child already knows they experience the world differently.
They might not have the vocabulary for it, but they feel it — in the classroom, on the playground, in the rhythms of their day.
When you talk to your child openly and gently about their autism, you give them context, not a label.
You help them understand themselves — and that understanding builds confidence, not fear.
💬 When to Start the Conversation
There’s no one “right age.” The timing depends on your child’s developmental level, awareness, and emotional readiness.
But in general, it’s best to start the conversation early and gradually — long before the teenage years.
If your child is asking questions like:
“Why do I go to therapy?”
“Why do things feel harder for me?”
“Why do other kids do things I don’t?”
…that’s a sign they’re ready to start hearing pieces of the truth — in words that make sense to them.
🧩 How to Explain Autism to Your Child
Start with what’s familiar: strengths, challenges, and differences.
Keep it simple, positive, and true.
For younger children:
“Your brain works in a special way that helps you learn and see things differently. That’s called autism. It means some things are easy for you and other things take a little more time — just like everyone else.”
For school-aged children:
“Autism is part of what makes you you. It means your brain learns and feels differently than other people’s. That’s why you might go to therapy — to help you learn new skills and understand the world in your own way.”
For teens:
“Autism doesn’t define you — but it’s an important part of who you are. It explains how you process information, how you connect with others, and how your brain works. Knowing that helps you advocate for yourself and understand your strengths.”
The goal is not to announce autism, but to normalize it — to make it a natural part of your child’s story.
💛 Why Honesty Builds Confidence
Children who grow up knowing about their autism often:
Develop stronger self-awareness and self-esteem
Feel less shame or confusion about differences
Build better communication and self-advocacy skills
When a child isn’t told, they may internalize struggles as personal failures — thinking “Something’s wrong with me.”
But when they understand why they think and feel the way they do, that awareness becomes empowering.
🌱 How to Make the Conversation Positive
Lead with strengths.
“You’re amazing at remembering details and solving puzzles — that’s part of how your brain works with autism.”Be open to questions.
They might ask, “Will it go away?” or “Does everyone know?”
Keep your answers honest and calm:“It’s not something that goes away — it’s just how your brain works. And that’s okay. It’s something we learn more about together.”
Keep the door open.
This should never be a one-time talk. Revisit it naturally as your child grows and understands more.Model pride and acceptance.
The way you talk about autism shapes how your child sees it. Speak with warmth and respect — not fear or sadness.
💬 What If You’re Not Ready Yet?
That’s okay. You can start small by talking about differences — how everyone’s brain and body work differently, how some people need glasses, others need more time, or how some kids have extra support to help them learn.
When you start there, you’re already laying the foundation for self-understanding.
If you’re unsure how to approach it, talk with your BCBA, speech therapist, or counselor. They can help guide you and even join the conversation if needed.
🌿 From the Desk of Anita Tomic, M.S., BCBA
In my work with families, I’ve seen how powerful it is when children learn to see autism as part of who they are — not something to hide or feel different about.
When a child understands their diagnosis, it doesn’t limit them — it empowers them.
It helps them say, “This is how I learn best.”
It helps them build self-respect and compassion for others.
Autism isn’t a word to fear — it’s a word that opens the door to understanding, acceptance, and growth.
When you’re ready, start the conversation — gently, honestly, and with love.
Because every child deserves to understand who they are. 💛
— Anita Tomic, M.S., BCBA
CEO & Behavior Analyst
Play to Learn Behavior Therapy